‘Inspired Grand-parenting’ –
A course for all new grandparents

As my husband and I continue to get our heads around the ‘g’ word – grandparent, we wonder about our roles, our guidance, our input into this small unique life. Do we fit in and how do we fit in?  Are we there to give hugs, kisses and cute outfits? Are we there to offer advice and tips that we learned along the way? Is there a combination that parents and grandparents can agree upon?

Luckily for me, our partner trainer out of Victoria BC, Jeanette McMillan has some ideas and a course that she has specifically designed for all of us in the new grand-parenting role. Jeanette has been a nurse for a very long time with a special interest in maternity.

Specifically, Jeanette was a labour delivery nurse for 15 years, taught prenatal education, developed perinatal outreach and education for aboriginal health. She developed and facilitated a labour companion program for military families for ten years, worked in a women's health clinic and in High Risk Perinatology in Ottawa and was the coordinator for the prenatal programs for Camosun College in Victoria while completing a Masters degree. She is now teaching nursing at university, facilitating workshops for TGS and working as a Nurse Practitioner in the Yukon part time.

Well her credentials are sound, so we know we are starting in the right place. I interviewed Jeanette to get more information about what ‘Inspired Grand-parenting’ is and how it can help me as a first time grand parent.

QUESTION: Where did the idea for Inspired Grandparenting come from?

“While working in maternity and teaching prenatal education, I became aware of conflicts that develop between parents (new grandparents) and their adult children once the baby comes or during the pregnancy. This conflict became more of a concern when my own friends were describing their feelings of despair when their children refused or refuted any advice on childbearing or childrearing ideas they had.  Some say they felt as if they were being held hostage as the were unable to voice any concerns for their sons' and daughters' methods of parenting.  Peers described feeling rejected, hurt or left out. An example was when some grandparents were very concerned about their
daughter wanting a home birth and yet felt disabled to discuss their concern. Another felt their children were too hard on the grandchild. Still others were exceptionally worried about co-sleeping.

On the other hand, participants in prenatal education frequently described parents as interfering or old fashioned. While working in maternity, I often heard new grandparents undermining important advice from nursing staff such as best ways of breast feeding or car seat safety. Through my research, I hoped to hear from different new grandparents who met with resistance for their ideas from their sons or daughters during the initial year of childbearing. I wanted to learn about methods they used to resolve conflicts and things they did to promote their relationship with their sons and daughters and subsequently their grandchildren. I learned from research that if new parents feel well supported by their parents and extended family, the couple's relationship is likely to weather the strain of parenting better.” 

QUESTION: What kinds of things should people expect from a session on Inspired Grand-parenting?

“Learn about the transition that occurs when both new parents and new grandparents are suddenly both in the same role - both are parents

• Methods of communicating with their offspring about issues related to the topic.
• Things they need to do to stay informed correctly - how to decipher all the new information.
• Explore their own parenting - what worked and what mistakes they would not like to see their offspring repeat.
• How to enjoy their new little grandchild in ways that promote family unity.
• How differences in the ways we were educated play important roles in understanding differences in the production of knowledge (between new parents and grandparents).
• How to really support their sons and daughters”

QUESTION: What are some tips that you can give new grandparents like me right now?

 “Learn as much as you can about the differences in caring for babies between the time you had children and now. Too many times, I've heard hurt grandparents say - well we did it this way and you are fine or its a wonder you survived as I was obviously doing it all wrong. The "Back to Sleep" program is a good example of the start contrast between what we were told was safe and what current research recommends.”

Wow, I have learned so much from Jeanette and I want to be the best grandparent that I can be and continue to have a loving relationship with my daughter and son-in-law.

Wendy Bodnar, BPE
Owner, The Growth Shop Ltd.